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  • Private School Fascistionistas: Who Really Controls Your Life?
  • After Dora uproar, Nick and Mattel soothe moms
  • does not play well with others
  • Betamom & the Beauty of Fat Monster Earphones
  • Betamom Knows: the Brentwood Country Mart Sleepover Scam
  • Betamom Mourns: Rest In Peace, Library Book
  • BetaDrugtesting: Pee or Hair?
  • Betamom Congratulates Bite Recipient: Bite Me (No, Really!)
  • Betamom's Rules of Betabitch Revenge
  • On Stephenie Meyer, the New Poverty & (my) Child Slavery: Now Put Down TWILIGHT & Shine Those Boots, Gov!

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Private School Fascistionistas: Who Really Controls Your Life?

Betamom loves the new Hard Times.  Betamom loves the uprising of the People. Betamom loves the opportunity to not get a pedicure or a haircut or restalyn/botox/facials, to wear jeans with coffee spilled on them, and pretend it's all a political statement.

It's the new freedom.  And if you go to a private school in L.A. or New York or probably anywhere else in the country, it's a load of crap. 

Here's what the rest of the world is saying. Suck it, AIG. Suck it, SUV. Suck it, JUICY. Suck it, BEACH CLUBS. And here's what you want to say, more than anything, Suck it, ALPHA ACADEMY!  

Betamom hates to break it to ya'll, but its a load of crap.  The tuition letters went out this month, asking for a 2.5 percent increase, in spite of the economy.  The new families were solicited into the hundreds of thousands, in spite of the economy.  And our school "Fun-Raiser" -- which raised no money, to be sensitive to the New Economy -- cost too much for half the school to want to attend.

WHAT THE X($*#^@^@$&%@(* IS GOING ON HERE?  How is the rest of the world in a populist uprising, and my Alpha Academy chugs on, rejecting "good families" and "development opportunities"  like its nobody's business?

Rolls+Royce

Betamom needs to vent a little, because she watches the news, and because she hasn't gotten a haircut since last September or waxed her eyebrows and it wasn't because she didn't want to.  Betamom's cuticles have now covered her big toe in its entirety.  DID YOU EVEN KNOW THAT COULD HAPPEN?  

Betamom has no choice to pay.  Pay tuition, pay the money, give the gift, buy the ticket to the thing that she also needs to donate the thing to.  Fascism lives on in West L.A. and probably the Upper West/East Side. And here is what Betamom is getting:

Judgmental Brownie Leaders. 
Headmasters who think they are above the law. 
Teachers who think you should kiss their teacher-sized butts for giving your child worksheets you could make at home or xerox from the workbooks they sell at Costco.
Private Schools that cost 20k for the equivalent of an OK public school with polyblend uniforms and teachers waiting for you to give them Lakers tickets. 
Alpha Bitches in the carpool line who call in to report you made an illegal U Turn when you were late to school eating soggy cereal in your car out of a cup.  
A general agreement to pretend that we are all not on serious depression and anxiety medicine and that we did not have to go on them after the fifth grade field trip to Washington DC, when the room mom said, "You're a bossy bitch and we all hate you, anyways."

Suck it, Private School. You sucked anyways.
And yes, my deposit is in for next year. 

March 26, 2009 in School Pimpin' | Permalink | Comments (0)

Betamom Mourns: Rest In Peace, Library Book

Life_forever_more

Do not ever bring a library book into this house and expect to see it again.

For this house is built on a doomed Indian Burial Ground in the heart of the Bermuda Triangle in the eye of a Laundry Tornado at the base of Crap Mountain. 

Considering Betachild's birth certificate is probably in the pile of junk housed in the old bathtub next to the laundry room, who the hell would give said child A LIBRARY BOOK? And then assign a Fantasy Book Report that can only be written about a SECOND LIBRARY BOOK?  That can only be obtained upon return of the FIRST LIBRARY BOOK? That has been lost for so long we can't remember what it was about but only vaguely that it may or may not have something to do with gerbils / hamsters / guinea pigs?  Aliens?  Puppies?  

AlphaTeacher: "The book report was due today.  Please have Betachild turn it in tomorrow."
Betamom: "She can't.  She has no library book."
AlphaTeacher: "She needs a library book to do her report."
Betamom: "I know. She can't do her report."
AlphaTeacher: "I don't understand."
Betamom: "Can she do it about a different book?"
AlphaTeacher: "We'd really prefer not."
Betamom: "..."
AlphaTeacher: (BRIGHTLY) "Anyways, the book report was due today.  Please have Betachild turn it in tomorrow."

DO NOT EVER, EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, GIVE ANYONE IN BETAFAMILY A LIBRARY BOOK!  DO NOT LISTEN TO BETAMOM IF SHE EVER, EVER, EVER SAYS OTHERWISE. SHE MUST BE DRUNK.

And while we're at it, don't let us near Blockbuster, either.

March 10, 2009 in School Pimpin' | Permalink | Comments (0)

New Year, New You

Sue mills


So Betakid started Alpha Academy today.

After a six year campaign of check writing, notes on stationery writing, phone calling, string pulling and groveling, The Child has finally attended her first day of school. Mommy's a whore with a heart of gold, and she did it all for her little girl.

Today's report from BetaKid: "This was the best day of my life. This is the best school ever. I love it a thousand times around the earth."

Awwwwwww.

PS. Yes, I know, this can't last. She will have a meltdown tomorrow. Just let me enjoy it while I can, before the Ambien kicks in.

September 04, 2007 in School Pimpin' | Permalink | Comments (2)

Blogs

  • Just My Cup of Tea
  • Blogging Project Runway
  • Letters to Marc Jacobs
  • Santino Rice
  • Dooce
  • Happy Meals and Happy Hour
  • stephenie meyer (stole my children)

Beta Room Mom

  • Barnes & Noble
  • Borders
  • Gelson's
  • Lakeshore
  • Michael's
  • Oriental Trading Company
  • Plum Party
  • Sprinkles Cupcakes
  • Staples

TIVO Therapy

  • America's Next Top Model
  • American Idol
  • Lost
  • Project Runway Store

Alpha Activities

  • Bright Child
  • Karate Kids
  • Coach Steve
  • Hooked on Phonics
  • Renaissance Kids
  • Kumon North America