Mother’s Day is creepy. BetaMom can say that. It's important to just admit it, and breathe through it. There is the inevitable struggle of Which Mom Are You Celebrating? The Mother-In-Law who BetaDad has a love-hate relationship with? Or, the BetaGrandma who has only recently agreed to a tensely negotiated truce? Or, in the least likely scenario, BetaMom herself?
Let’s be honest. In that unholy trilogy, Betamom is headed for the short stick. And what complicates, ruins, and/or defines Mother’s Day more than trying to negotiate between all the Mothers of the World? They gave birth to us. No matter what beyotchery ensued for the thirty-eight years after that, we just can’t win this one. They may or may not be icky, and we won't admit it, but we do love them. It's biology. Besides, as they said on Good Morning America, our Moms are now going to live for about forty more years, thanks to medical science. (Thank You Medical Science! Now you take the next 39 Mother's Days...)
This year, we celebrated BetaKid’s birthday on Sunday -- that's right, on Mother’s Day. We ignored all three Mothers of the World, and just focused on Betakid. There was a cake of sorts (Betakid does not eat frosting, so it was a plate of snickerdoodles with candles.) There were Bobble Head Kool Kats and Barbie Rollerblades. There was wrapping paper. It was, in many senses, a party. Just not for any of the Moms.
And BetaMom recommends it highly. While the requisite photo-collage-plus-cards still made its way to the one Mom, and an incredibly tacky thirty-five dollar bouquet of flowers in a vase shaped like a women’s dress made it to the other Mom (ah, the power of the internet...four hours before Mother's Day kicked off...) the focus was on BetaKid. And Betakid is something we all can agree on.
BetaMom did get one notable card from Betachild. It said, “For Mother’s Day, I hope you get all of your favorite things.” And then was a picture of a Myspace page, a picture of the videogame that makes BetaMom scream when BetaDad plays all night and on vacation, and a heart for how much she loves her mom – actually, a human heart, in a photo taken from an open heart surgery page. A very Beta card.
Ah, BetaKid. You just wait until you get your Mother’s Day. Then the tables will have turned and you will be the one with the Myspace card and BetaMom – she will finally get her hands on a thirty-five dollar dress shaped vase to call her own…
Creepy Mother’s Day to All the Mothers of the World from Betamom!
Now go buy yourself some jewelry.