Beta Mom

Where are you going next year?

Acceptance season has come and gone, and, like Hurricane Katrina, now we are left to clean up the stinking aftermath.

Did you Get In to the school of your choice?

We did, which is probably why I am so sick of hearing about it. That said, I have been talking about the "will BetaKid Get In" topic for 5 years now. People are probably sick of me too. Luckily I got in, so I am no longer talking about and exude a smug glow of accpetance.

Those who Didn't Get In have spent the last few days talking and talking and talking. You can hear their murmur over the din of the city noise. "Why didn't my AlphaKid get in?" "Who dinged me?" Why did (insert name of another kid in your class) get in?

Stop talking all of you. I am tired of your complaining. Everyone is tired of your complaining. Everyone is tired of talking to you. When you ask for counsel nobody will tell you the truth because it is too painful. Luckily BetaMom is a straight shooter. Seriously, I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't really care:

1. Your kid is out of control. He treats the teachers the same way he treats you - like the hired help.

2. You kid is acting out sexually. She has simulated lesbian sex at a sleepover. He simulated "humping on a classmate AT SCHOOL. She has a MySpace site that uses the word "sexi" and claims to have gone all the way.

3. You are out of control. You treat the headmaster, teachers and your wife like the hired help.

4. You are acting out sexually. You met someone online (of the same gender or otherwise) and took a road trip to meet them in another state. You got drunk and slept wtih other moms on the class trip. You spread your divorce crap all over the school.

5. Your child got abysmal scores. What did you expect?

6. Your kid is not so bad, but you went to the interview and made an ass of yourself. See 3 - 5.

Stop complaining. Get off the phone and pay some attention to your kid. Teach them some manners and learn some yourself. Have a nice day.

Did I mention I Got In?

THE BEST CUPCAKE ALERT!

Next time you are at Lakeshore, gymnastics, or your developmental elementary school, stop by Bluebird Cafe for the best cupcake in LA. They are huge. They are sloppy and look like a real person made them. They are not dry like many other fad cupcakes (that's you Magnolia.) Most of the frostings are cream cheese-based and YOU GET TO CHOOSE YOUR FROSTING!

Get thee to Culver City and eat a cupcake for lunch.

Bluebird Cafe

P.S. Orangina

Served the Orangina Sunrise at a party - let's just say: IT WAS A BIG HIT.

But remember, don't drink & drive. Seriously.

Ode to Orangina

As I was leaving the Country Mart, my child was having a tantrum and pulling my hair. While trying not to say bad words and smile at passersby who stared with the look that says "Gosh, aren't two year olds a handful?", I remembered something wonderful: I had a semi cold bottle of Orangina in my purse.

Clearly, it doesn't take much.

Once I got the toddler into the carseat, holding most of my remaining hair in his hands, I turned on the air conditioning and pulled out my bottle of liquid sunshine. Why does Orangina make a tired BetaMom so happy? Let's answer that with a question: "Where do we unually find Orangina?" Huh? IN A HOTEL MINI BAR!

If you are in a hotel, and going through the minibar, chances are you are on a rare "grownup vacation" with BetaDad (or whomever, I don't want to know.) When I drink an Orangina, it tastes a little like the Ritz Carlton Central Park, The Four Seasons Biltmore in Montecito, Montage, Aviara, the list goes on and on... It tastes like sunny days, clean rooms, room service and no small people in my bed.

Orangina - it tastes like freedom.

With that in mind, it occured to me that it should be used in a mixed drink.

Here are some recipes I found on the internet:

Rachael Ray's Orangina Sunrise (see picture above)

French Screwdriver What is french about this?

Passover - Oy Vey

What is Passover about? The four questions? Plagues? Killing of the firstborn? (My firstborn is in a time out, but I digress...) Passover is about being freed from slavery. It's about liberation, ladies. It's also about copious amounts of margarine on matzoh.

Liberate yourself from dinner. Get takeout for passover.

Fromins has the best Matzoh Ball Soup

Clementine (click on menus, then Passover 2006)

Joan's on Third the cupcakes are not kosher for Passover, but if you eat it in the car, nobody will know.

Bristol Farms you can order online - betalicious.

Gelson's will let you order online too. You gotta love the internet.

Moses didn't get the Jews of of Egypt so you could be a slave in the kitchen.

Home Cookin'

What does a BetaMom make for dinner? A phone call, of course.

Here are some of our favorite family meals to get you through the week:

Monday: Maria's Italian Kitchen Family Meal #3, Meat Lasagna

Tuesday: Get your schwarma on at Zankou Chicken. Trust me.

Wednesday: LA Bite delivers CPK. Take a look at the group pastas and group salads.

Thursday: Go out of your way and pick up enchiladas at Gallegos.

Friday: Bay Cities Italian Deli. Meatballs, pasta, cheese and freshly baked bread. It's good for the soul.

Saturday: Make reservations wtih Open Table. Get a babysitter and go to a restaurant. You deserve to be a grownup once a week.

Sunday: Clean the takeout boxes out of the fridge. Eat any leftovers standing up over the trash can. Cleaning & eating - it's like chocolate & peanut butter.