Friends come and go. Fortunes rise and fall. Betachild becomes Betateen and develops Betamonkeybrain. How does Betamom survive it all?
Earphones are key.
Earphones routinely keep me out of jail and out of rehab and out of divorce arbitration. Out of lockup. Out of the unemployment line. Off the streets and out of the looney bin, not that I don't fantasize about that one sometimes, but only in a classy 19th century sanitorium in a white dress is a boat on a Swiss lake kind of a way. Give it a shot. The earphones, not the sanitorium, though that's really a personal decision.
Not the crappy little ipod ones. The big, fat, juicy padded ones. Bose or Sony or some ripoff of either. It doesn't matter as long as it's a little cave for your psyche. A little pillowy ear cave. Your earphones care about you. They don't want anything. They don't need a sandwich or help with their Jekyll and Hyde paper or just to yell at you about what a terrible parent/person/fool you are.
They will always be soft. They will always make the sounds come softly. They want to keep all the bad children sounds and the bad talking sounds away. They're taking the bullet for you. That's just what they do. And like giant bouncers & bodyguards, people see those monster earphones and don't actually expect you to interact with them. In fact, they feel guilty for making you take them off, when you finally do. You can sit in bed or on a couch next to someone and give the appearance that you are actually in the same room. Don't be fooled; you are in a galaxy far, far away.
Earphones are what keep me from hitting people, not limited to my spouse and children. Earphones are cheaper than therapy or wellbutrin or klonapin or lexapro or zoloft but is betarecommended in combination with any or all of the above.
Because who wants to listen to anything Betateen has to say? Betateen is AAAAAAAANGRY. Betatween is thus forced to pick sides, and (surprise) has gone with AAAAAAAAAANGRY. Betakid is getting crapped on by both of the above, so she's AAAAAAAAAAANGRY. That, and the fact that you just found her experimentation with four letter words in her journal, so you're AAAAAAAANGRY too.
If you put the earphones on you can't hear the crying after you send all the people to their rooms. Except in the case of Betateen, who is bigger than you are and just stays in your room to yell. In that case, you can just put on your earphones and POOF. She disappears. Now you know why she wears hers all the time...
Who wants to answer the phone, cell or landline? These days, the cell is someone trying to get me to do something I usually don't want to do. And the land line is a bank, a car payment, the mortgage people, or the beta private school informal collections agency.
Put them on. Try it. You won't even hear m...
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