Beta Mom

Betamom vs. Snoring

I fell asleep tonight at 8pm. Who am I kidding - I fell asleep before 8pm. Betadad agreed to put the BetaKids to BetaBed so I could fall asleep. And what happened?

I woke up at 11pm.

Everyone in my family is snoring. BetaDad is snoring and rolling around. BetaGirl is snoring because the has a sinus infection that will hang around for the next month. BetaBoy is snoring because, well, I don't know why, but his feet are on his pillow and his head is hanging off the bed, and at that point, why worry about offending others - JUST GO AHEAD AND SNORE!

So amid the heavy breathing of my family, I did what any self-respecting BetaMom would do. I watched all the TV on my TIVO that I missed by falling asleep so early. That got me to midnight.

Which brings me to my question:

"Is midnight too late to take an Ambien CR?"

For those of you not familiar with the full line of Ambien products, Ambien CR is a controlled release version of the sleep aid, Ambien. For those of us who have trouble staying asleep at night, Ambien CR gives gentle sprinkles of sleeping fairy dust all night. (Ironically, it is said to cause sleep-eating of Sprinkles cupcakes.)

The truth is, I have already taken it. As my typing torpoor increases, I know I am going to have to wrap this post up soon, lest I fall out of my chair, but I am left wondering...

Did I just doom my kids to a late morning to school?

If so, did it really have anything to do with the Ambien?

*Betamom is not a doctor, and judging by the number of prescription pills she has in her bathroom, she is not a good judge of medicine or medical practices. Betamom does not receive kickbacks for promoting Ambien CR, but would consider it if an offer was to be made.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Deadbeat Brownie Moms Unite!

Okay, I have to be honest. I am a Brownie Leader. I know, I know. That's so Alpha it's not even funny. But all you Beta Moms out there, listen to me. It's time to rise up and spread the Beta word. Be a Brownie Leader. A Beta Brownie Leader.

Badges? Stand at the back of the room and offer to spray glue them on before the girls go home. Who sews? Who cares? I used spray styrafoam glue left over from the mission model. And you know what, except for one Alpha, every single kid wanted their badge glued on. Alpha mom: "Oh come on. I can do better than that at home."

Meetings? It's not supposed to be a birthday party. Since when in life did everything involving a child supposed to be a birthday party? You make crap out of popsicle sticks. You sing the Brownie Smile Song in super fast and super robot slow motion. Time flies when you're doing nothing at all.

Healthy Snack? Bite me. It's called BROWNIES for a reason.

There have been Brownie Moms at our school who have taken kids camping in a Hummer Limo, and that is not a joke. There have been Brownie Moms at our school who showed Troop Beverly Hills without a hint of irony. There have been Brownie Moms at our school who demanded that you sell 200 boxes of cookies or not participate at all.

Hello? It's called the Brownies, not the Hitler Youth. Beta Moms Everywhere, Unite! The Alpha Brownie Leader is a thing of the past, like the Clapper and the ChiaPet. Slack away! It's better for everyone! Especially the girls.

Be a Beta Role Model. Be like my troop. Use urine specimen cups for your Dues Banks. You'll all be happier, in the long run. And who knows? If we get enough Beta Leaders out there, maybe between us, we can take down the whole organization.

A big Brownie Smile to all my Beta Sisters,

Beta Mom