Okay, I have to be honest. I am a Brownie Leader. I know, I know. That's so Alpha it's not even funny. But all you Beta Moms out there, listen to me. It's time to rise up and spread the Beta word. Be a Brownie Leader. A Beta Brownie Leader.
Badges? Stand at the back of the room and offer to spray glue them on before the girls go home. Who sews? Who cares? I used spray styrafoam glue left over from the mission model. And you know what, except for one Alpha, every single kid wanted their badge glued on. Alpha mom: "Oh come on. I can do better than that at home."
Meetings? It's not supposed to be a birthday party. Since when in life did everything involving a child supposed to be a birthday party? You make crap out of popsicle sticks. You sing the Brownie Smile Song in super fast and super robot slow motion. Time flies when you're doing nothing at all.
Healthy Snack? Bite me. It's called BROWNIES for a reason.
There have been Brownie Moms at our school who have taken kids camping in a Hummer Limo, and that is not a joke. There have been Brownie Moms at our school who showed Troop Beverly Hills without a hint of irony. There have been Brownie Moms at our school who demanded that you sell 200 boxes of cookies or not participate at all.
Hello? It's called the Brownies, not the Hitler Youth. Beta Moms Everywhere, Unite! The Alpha Brownie Leader is a thing of the past, like the Clapper and the ChiaPet. Slack away! It's better for everyone! Especially the girls.
Be a Beta Role Model. Be like my troop. Use urine specimen cups for your Dues Banks. You'll all be happier, in the long run. And who knows? If we get enough Beta Leaders out there, maybe between us, we can take down the whole organization.
A big Brownie Smile to all my Beta Sisters,
Beta Mom
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