You know you are a Betamom if:
You didn't actually sell any girl scout cookies, you just paid for them all so that you didn't have to call all your friends and relatives on behalf of your child. Or, worse, drive your kid around the neighborhood selling or even delivering them. You may have even let your kids eat the ones your daughter thinks she "sold" to her grandparents...
Which raises an interesting question. How many boxes (at four bucks a box) do you have to buy when you are too lame to sell any cookies? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Because we've discussed this issue (just last month, remember, at Starbucks?) and it ranges from 10 to 100 boxes. This is westla, remember, so the idea of your leader asking you to spend four hundred bucks on cookie shame is not inconceivable. Forty bucks, that's sort of letting you off too easy, don't you think? What kind of penance can forty bucks get you? In this town, let's remember money = goodness. Money = not just power but virtue. We will have to discuss this at a later date under the header, Private School Giving. But I digress.
The flip side to this issue is, how many of those cheesy little prizes do you need to procure for your child when they didn't actually sell any boxes anyway? If you ask your husband, he will either say, "None, because she didn't sell any," or "Why should little ____ suffer because you are a bad (no, beta!) mom?" And both are right. But when he says either, remember this: when they hand the mini-lava lamps out, and it's in front of the whole troop, and your little ___ has to get in the car all trembly, because YOU ARE A TOTAL LOSER -- how much would you have paid, right at that moment, to wind back the clock? Forty bucks? Four hundred bucks? Ah, the economics of girl scout cookie shame.
Betamom thinks Girl Scout neighborhood leaders are crazy. Not the ones who volunteer at your school - the other kind. The ones who are No Longer Doing It For Their Child. The ones who organize the entire cookie drive for the greater westla area (WHY?????) and, we have to point out, wear those size xxl kitty and doggy sweatshirts. Now that they have discovered email, it never stops. Betamom recently moved the local girl scout brass into her junk folder, but it just keeps coming anyway. You can't escape the girl scouts.
Enjoy those last Thin Mints!!!
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