Crap! It’s Thursday and you just realized that Betadad’s birthday is on Monday. You have four days to prove your love, justify your marriage, and show your children that you’re not getting a divorce.
The clock is ticking…
Now let’s get one thing straight. You like Betadad. You love Betadad. But Betadad is a guy – which means, he’s the same as a kid. Which means, even though if you ask him what he wants to do for his birthday he will say NOTHING, that means Something, and if you ask him what he wants for his birthday he will say SURPRISE ME, which means Something Really Cool From Best Buy That I Don’t Already Have. Which, by the way, is nothing. Short of hookers, porn, a keg, cigars, Vegas and poker, what’s your next move?
It’s too late to haul the kids into Color Me Mine. It’s also too late to take a family portrait, locate a puppy from a local breeder, get a Rolex engraved, or earn enough disposable income to buy the
Rolex you need to get engraved. You could get him cereal. If an alien landed on the planet and got Betadad a present based strictly on behavior, the alien would wrap up a big box of Coco Puffs. You
could get Betadad a Starbucks card. That’s what the Y basketball team got him. Starbucks, your One Joy, is a great present, but not for Betadad. It’s so Beta is would be…Gamma.
Things you should not get him include: the Encyclopedia of the Supreme Court. He still hasn't forgive you for that. And don't see a John Cusak movie without him on the night of his birthday when he has driven five hours to spend it with you. Bad. It also may be time to retire Napoleon Dynamite talking items, Spongebob, and Family Guy. If there’s a video game he wants, I'm guessing he has it. DVD
– already bought it. CD – downloaded it last week. So why is it so hard to shop for Betadad?
Because Guys are different from us. Guys meet their own needs. Guys may not like Shopping, but they’re also not Shopping Martyrs. They don’t emotionalize their Fall Wardrobe or their New Look or their Next Pair of Shoes. They just buy them. Betadad does not need you to get him his stuff. He gets his own stuff. Unlike you, you big spaz, he meets his own needs. Now there’s a thought.
So what’s the birthday? He just wants to feel like you like him. And you’re not hopeless. You did think about it four days ahead of time this year. I think you know what to do.
Fill up the tank. If you leave after traffic, you can make it to Vegas in just over three hours…
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